Alpiett
by Ky03elk
Summary: "Yes, Dad!" Alexis grabs ahold of her boyfriend's hand, enthusiasm spilling forth as she bounces on the spot. "The three of us are starting our own organic fruit stall at the market." What the…He looks at Kate, waits for the punch line and… nothing. Alternative CRACK universe for after 6x03
1. Chapter 1

_This__ is __crack-fic__, which __resulted__ from __a__ bad __day in __horrible __heat__ and __a __run__ that __led __to__ obvious dehydrated __delusions__._

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_It occurs after 6x03_

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Burying his head within the softness of his pillow, the supple material cradles him gently and Rick enjoys the sensation of having nowhere to be and nothing to do–except for maybe his gorgeous fiancée.

Sliding a hand covertly across the mattress, his fingers seek out the delectable golden skin of his soon to be better half, yet as his arm stretches wide, he feels nothing but uninterrupted space.

Patting the sheets and continuing to come up empty, he sluggishly opens an eye, searches for the woman that should be snuggled comfortably at his side, yet he sees nothing.

His view _should _consist of chestnut and chocolate curls, flawless limbs and a smile that melts his heart, but instead it's unoccupied and all he glimpses are cream-colored sheets.

And that's when he hears it.

Laughter.

Lots of laughter.

Kate's laughter.

Sitting upright, he scans the bedroom, eyes flickering around the vacant area, and his ears strain to hear the alluring sound again.

There it is… and it's not alone.

Shoving his feet free of the covers, Rick stands, fingers running hurriedly through his bed hair, and he moves to snatch the robe from the chair. Shrugging it on while he continues, as if pulled by her bewitching tones, he walks toward Kate, towards her siren song.

And there she stands, comfortably situated at the kitchen bench, her summer dress flowing suggestively around her thighs as her long legs stretch and flex while she dances on the spot. Exposed toes float perfectly across the wooden floor and his mind drifts as he watches their movement.

"Hey, Mr. C. You're up!"

His mind unfortunately comes crashing back down to reality as he realizes for the first time that Kate is not alone. Spread once again across his counter, are piles and piles of fruit, and grinning gleefully behind it all is his daughter.

And–_him_.

Smiling sarcastically, he raises a hand in acknowledgement before strolling in Kate's direction; concentrates on her, rather than the insanity that has invaded his home.

"You know you don't have to get up so early these days, Beckett?"

Her smirk is his only reply and Pi takes the silent response as an invitation to join their conversation, beaming happily as he announces, "We were telling, Kay–te about our big idea."

Castle's eyebrows lift together at the way the young intruder pronounces his fiancée's name, the sleaze within his tone and it takes all he has to stay on this side of the bench.

To fight the urge to–_fight_.

"I think it's a great idea, and I can't wait to start!" The way Kate radiates excitement as she speaks has him doing a double take.

What the hell has he missed here?

"Idea?"

"Yes, Dad!" Alexis grabs ahold of her boyfriend's hand, enthusiasm spilling forth as she bounces on the spot. "The three of us are starting our own organic fruit stall at the market."

What the…

He looks at Kate, waits for the punch line and… nothing.

Nothing but elation from the three of them. Taking a deep breath, he scrubs his hand against his face, eyes closing as he counts to three, yet when he opens them, the scene before him persists.

"It's going to be out of this world, Mr. C. We're going to import exotic fruits so that we have more variety as we continue our wonderful journey as fruitarians."

Oh, this just keeps getting better and better.

"Your journey." A finger darts between all three. "You're all fruitarians?"

As their heads nod happily at his question, he focuses on Kate.

"You're becoming a fruitarian, too?"

"Of course, I can't be a part of such an amazing venture and not partake comprehensively."

The younger two continue their nodding as Pi confirms.

"Kay-te has started her journey this morning, taking her beautiful first step–giving up the evilness that is coffee."

What the…

"You've given up coffee?!"

To say he is astonished would be the understatement of the century, but he has a sinking feeling that this day is only going downhill from here.

"Castle don't sound so upset, it's just coffee."

Just coffee!

"It's not _just _coffee, it's how we greet the day, it's our unwritten expression of love, it's…"

"Just a drink, Castle."

His mouth opens and closes, yet nothing comes out.

Taking his silence as agreement, they turn back to the task at hand, resuming their pedantic chopping.

Waving a hand as if brushing their last conversation aside, Rick refocuses on their original bombshell.

"Back to the market. The three of you are going to be working in a stall together? Selling fruit?"

"Exotic fruit." His daughter adds.

"_Organic _exotic fruit." The interloper elaborates.

Ignoring them both, he concentrates on Kate.

"Beckett… Kate… I understand that being between jobs is…"

His fish impersonation begins again, his mouth not really knowing what to do. "But, if you want to be barefoot in the kitchen, I can think of better ways to get you there. If you're looking for something to do, I can knock yo–"

His sentence comes to a screeching halt as Kate elevates the knife enclosed within her hand as she screeches.

"Did you just insinuate that you wanted me barefoot and pregnant?"

Silence descends until Pi happily chirps, "You are going to be the best mom, Kay-te!"

Again, her name rolls off his tongue–_unnaturally_–and Rick fists his hands, blunt nails dig into his palm, shoulders contracting under the pressure.

"Oh thank you, Pi. That's sweet of you to say." Kate's adorable gaze washes over the younger man before she turns, her look morphing into a glare as it converges on him.

She maintains it for a moment, before going back to the fruit, the blade sliding effortlessly through the food. _Kind of food._

"You do that so amazingly." Pi's hand indicates Kate's skill at chopping and once again, the little unwashed squatter is on the receiving end of her special grin.

"Kate's extraordinary!" Rick's words explode from his lips as his jealous green-eyed monster stupidly rears its head, but at least it gets his fiancée's attention.

"You're pretty talented too, Castle."

She throws love eyeballs his way and they hold the contact until they're interrupted.

"I bet Mr. C. is talented in lots of areas."

"Oh yes! He gives the most amazing massages. It's his fingers. All that typing. He has muscles on top of muscles."

He watches as Kate extends her fingers as if in demonstration and he shakes his head in disbelief.

Kate Beckett has cracked.

Being fired. His near death experience in D.C. Maybe it's all become too much and she has actually cracked!

"Okay, that's enough! No more. No more of this!" Castle's statement brings them all to a stop.

"I'm going back to bed. I'm going to close my eyes and this weird nightmare I have walked into will cease to exist. And when I wake up my world will be back to normal."

He points to Kate.

"You will go back to the coffee loving partner, _fiancée_–and speaking of which, where the hell is your ring?–who fights against crime and injustice."

His finger moves to Alexis next.

"And you will go back to College."

"And you–" His finger jabs the air as he directs his next comment to Pi.

"You will disappear from my couch!"

It's quiet, at least for a fraction of a second, before the trespasser laughs, "Oh don't worry about your couch, Mr. C. I hop off it as soon as it goes dark."

What the… _that's it!_

Pivoting on the spot, he stalks back into the bedroom. Throws his body onto the mattress in defeat. His hands grab the nearest pillow and he hurls it over his head. Escapes the reality he has now found himself in.

The hell he has found himself in.

Minutes tick by and he slowly feels himself relaxing, sinking further down, yet outside his cocoon, he hears a muffled noise. Feet shifting as they hit the rug that resides under the bed.

As fingers begin digging into the muscle of his shoulder, he breathes freely for the first time since he had entered the kitchen, since his world got tilted on its axis, and flopping over he turns to smirk seductively at…

"Don't worry, Mr. C. I'm pretty talented at massages, too."

Oh, _fuck!_

* * *

This is marked complete but I am open to bribery or ideas!

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Thank you to Caskett1 for all her help!

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Your comments are valued!


	2. Chapter 2

Once again my apologies for adding to a completed fic, I have changed this to in progress as this has started its own CRACK universe!

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* * *

Awareness comes to him slowly, a gentle feeling that disperses across his body. His senses gradually become sharper as he comes to, the environment around him shifting into focus. Reclining on his back, he inhales deeply, his chest expanding, and the movement lifts his shirt, exposing an inch of naked skin.

Heat begins to spread and it awakens his lower extremities, as he realizes that there are fingers stroking the dusting of hair that's situated along the seam of his boxers. A glorious smile streaks across his features and he relaxes further into the mattress; appreciating this beautiful start to the day.

_Or is it?_

His eyes snap open as he awkwardly elevates his head at his neck, peering down the length of his body as he verifies _who_ exactly is toying with him. It has been less than twenty-four hours since he'd had the most unpleasant and disturbing experience of having Pi touch him and it continues to cause a shudder down his spine.

He's grateful that his quick reflexes had kicked in, and he'd rolled away from the _abomination _as soon as he'd realized what was happening. But even after the scalding hot shower, where he had scrubbed at his poor flesh until it was raw, it's still not enough to erase the hideous memory from his mind.

Thankfully, this time his eyes settle on his fiancée, as she grins wickedly from her position at the bottom of the bed; their eyes meet, before her lips replace her fingers and he moans in enjoyment.

"Mmmmm, good morning." Rick's head flops back into his pillow as he greets her, eyes closing of their own accord–pleasure taking over.

His stomach muffles her giggle; her lips pressed tight against his skin.

The sensation of her hot breath being blown onto him, results in little shivers of excitement, which spread until they encompass him completely.

Damn, he loves this woman.

"It is a good morning." Her mouth stops and starts in its magical migration as she speaks. "And you'd like for it to continue?"

He nods enthusiastically at her bizarre and slightly pointless question. Who in the world would respond negatively to her current exploration?

"Good. Cause you need to get up!"

Once again, his head kinks as he's forced out of his delightful nirvana to stare at Kate in confusion. "I _am _up!"

His response earns him a not so gentle pinch to his side; his muscle is captured within her nails as she expresses her displeasure.

"If you want this to happen." Her hand swirls in the air indicating his groin. "Then you need to get up and get some coffee. Oh, and bring it back to bed!"

His face scrunches in bewilderment. Her request more than a little odd considering she has apparently given up the drink, but as she pulls back, removes herself from his body, his desire to protest reduces as his desire for her increases.

"Now?"

"Yes, Castle. Now!"

Huffing loudly, he gets up out of bed, adjusting his clothes uncomfortably as he throws a fiery glare in her direction. It really is cruel to get him this excited only to put a stop to the action prematurely, especially with a demand that makes very little sense.

Hell, yesterday had made very little sense, and it seems like today is going to be no different.

Throwing his robe on, he stalks out of the bedroom, muttering under his breath about the evilness that has descended on to his home, on to his life. Yet, as he enters the kitchen, he concludes it's probably not going to get any better.

"Morning, Mr. C."

Rick grunts a response, but his manners override his feelings of animosity, and he replies, "Morning, Pi."

His mother would be _so_ proud.

"Isn't today a great day!" Pi's enthusiasm bleeds through every word and Rick pushes down the Beckett worthy eye roll that desperately wants to occur.

"Is it, Pi? Cause I have to say where I'm standing, the day has yet to be anything but surprisingly disappointing." His statement is spoken more to himself than the gate-crasher, who is once again making more fruit concoctions in the blender and he walks past the mess to the coffee machine.

Going through the motions, Rick does what he needs to do, ignoring the incessant dribble that's coming out of the _inconvenience's _mouth, until he hears the word coffee.

_No one_ attacks the righteousness that is his coffee.

"Do you know where coffee comes from, _Pi_?" The annoyance he feels is beginning to creep into his words and he turns to face the thorn in his side. "It's from a coffee plant, which sprouts a red or purple _fruit_. And inside this _fruit, _is a seed which is commonly known as a _cherry_."

With every word he's becoming more and more agitated, his voice becoming louder and louder.

"This _cherry _looks like a _bean_, and thus we have a _coffee bean_! So I am enjoying _fruit_!"

Spinning on the spot, he finishes his preparations, and with a departing glare, he heads back into his room, a coffee in each hand.

Striding through the doorway, he witnesses Kate's shocked expression over his little rant, and ignoring it, he holds out the second cup of coffee and waits for her to take it.

"Oh, no. I didn't want one." Her words contradict the drool that is forming at the corner of her mouth as she passionately eyes the mug, and he stares at her in disbelief.

"I made a promise, Castle."

Right, how could he forget!

Moving to place the now spare mug on her bedside table–maybe the smell will bring her to her senses–he proceeds to sit at the end of the bed, so that he can savour his first mouthful.

Unfortunately, the mug has barely reached his lips when he feels her approach from behind; a delicate tickle begins as she runs her fingers along his neck. Trying his best to pay no attention to her touch, he cherishes the first taste as it flows between his lips, yet it's her lips that attempt to steal the spotlight.

Feather light kisses pepper his jaw line as her mouth inches its way closer to his until she reaches her destination, fusing them as one. Her tongue gently laps at his opening before pulling away, a blissful expression settling onto her face.

Shifting away, she nods toward his coffee and he regards her curiously, and seeming to understand his hint, she nods at the mug repeatedly.

What the hell?

Writing this whole morning off as one bizarre event after another, he again raises the mug to his mouth but this time she pounces, moving her body so that it slams up against his own.

What the hell!

Reluctantly pulling the amber liquid away, Rick glares, and pretending as if her behaviour is completely normal, she encourages, "Have another drink."

Beyond confused at this point he takes a large sip, eyes shutting as the flavour once more reaches his tastebuds, but the moment is shattered as he is attacked. Pushing her mouth against his, Kate forces her tongue between his lips, lapping at the heat inside and the action nearly results in him choking.

_What the hell!_

Dragging his upper body away from the intrusion, he tries to swallow the remaining liquid as he stares, bewildered.

Eventually he can breathe freely again and he rasps, "What was that?"

Appearing slightly sheepish, Kate fiddles with the hem of his boxers, before finally making eye contact as she explains.

"I neeeeeeeed coffee." The whine catches him off guard and he automatically extends the cup in his hand, not realizing that it doesn't actually clarify her odd behaviour.

Gazing longingly at the drink, she sadly shakes her head, before turning her puppy dog look at him–a look she has stolen from him!

"I can't drink it. I _promised_!" She grumbles as she wiggles closer to him again, cupping her hands over his own, assisting him to hold the mug. But it's all part of her ploy and she pushes it closer to his mouth and he comprehends what she's attempting to do.

"Beckett! You want me to drink, so you can kiss the coffee out of me?"

He stands, outraged at the thought of being used, about being nothing more than a _tool_ between her and her precious coffee, and he cradles their sacred drink closer to his chest.

"Kate, that's–" Crude. Wrong. Offensive. "Gross!" He backs further away as she hops off the bed to move forward, slowly stalking him as if he was meat to her lion.

"How is that gross? I just want to drink it out of your mouth. That way I'm not technically breaking any promises!"

His back hits the bookcase and he has no idea what to do next.

"But think of the germs, Kate!"

One of her perfectly arched eyebrows lifts and she holds the look while pointing out.

"Seriously? You're worried about the germs exchanged if I put my tongue in your mouth? What about when I put my tongue on your–"

He cuts her off by shoving the coffee under her nose, and Kate can't help but stop talking so she can inhale the heavenly smell.

"Look, Beckett. I have expressed my opinion on this matter and I took Pi's silence as agreement. Coffee is a form of fruit, and thus for the greater good of mankind, please have your morning dose of caffeine!"

Pausing, Kate seems to deliberate on his previous rant about coffee's origin, her desire to consume the alluring liquid and the promise she had made to the others.

Not surprising coffee wins out.

Lifting the mug, she gulps the drink; moaning in ecstasy as it brings her sense of taste alive and it reminds Rick of their earlier activity.

"Soooo. When you're finished, I have an idea how we can spend the morning." He emphasises the leer in his tone, bringing his fingers up so that they can wiggle their way under her jersey. Her smooth skin shivering as he scrapes his blunt nails along the plains of her abdomen.

"I can't. Sorry, Castle." Her words are reinforced by her features, which are quickly darkening, yet not with desire.

Opening his mouth to question her apology, there's a loud knock on the closed bedroom door, and his daughter's voice calls out.

"Are you decent so I can come in?"

Stepping over so that he can hold the door wide, he is completely ignored as she barges past him, walking straight over to Kate.

"Are you ready to go look at market stalls, Beckett?" Alexis's eyesight is apparently being affected by all the fruit she's consuming, as she fails to see that Kate is clearly not ready to go anywhere in her pyjamas. "And are you drinking _coffee_?"

The redhead's voice lifts in anger and he almost jumps in between them. Would have, if Kate hadn't beaten him to the punch.

"It's okay, Alexis. Coffee is fruit." Kate's explanation has his daughters eyes widening in surprise, and she suddenly reaches, grabbing the cup out of Kate's hands, taking a large mouthful.

Is no one in this house worried about cross-contamination!

"Oh, thank God! Cause seriously, I was this close to breaking up with Pi over the fact that I missed coffee so much. But if it's a fruit and we can drink it, then I know our relationship can only grow and move forward."

The two girls beam happily at each other as they take turns polishing off his morning coffee, and his heart shatters.

He was _this_ close to being free of the _wretchedness, _but now his torment will continue and it's all his own damn fault.

Sobbing quietly, he stumbles back to the bed, flops forward so that he can bury his face within the mattress. Maybe when he wakes next, he'll finally be free from this living nightmare?

Or maybe this living nightmare has now become his reality?!

* * *

Thank you to everyone that reviewed the first chapter, you all had me laughing! And to those that favourite or put it on their alerts!

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Many thanks to Shena1 for the information about coffee

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to Caskett1 for reading and inspiring more Caskett to occur xoxo

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Your comments are valued


	3. Chapter 3

This is most definitely finished!

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* * *

Rick stretches his arms wide as his back arches against the mattress and a smile radiates slowly across his face. _Today_, today is going to be a good day.

After having listened to the gatecrasher go on and on yesterday while they had sat and had lunch together, _well _he had sat and had lunch, the miscreant had taken the opportunity to continue his harassment until Castle had had more than enough.

Pi's waffling about having found the perfect location for their exotic organic fruit market stall–which Rick assumes _his_ money will be paying for–never seemed to end. And when it finally did, the little troublemaker incessantly began prattling about the evilness of modern America, and electricity, and the destruction of the environment...

At least that's what he thinks the conversation was about– he had stopped paying any attention to what came out of the intruder's mouth long ago.

Of course, it's not that he doesn't want to assist in making the world a better place; he just doesn't feel the need to be a pain in the ass to everyone around him while doing his bit. At least good had sprouted from bad– the menace had inspired a plan. A devious and demented plan and the thought widens his smile further as he plots the story in his head. If all goes well today, his nightmare will be coming to an end!

Rolling over, he runs a hand along Kate's naked body, fingers glide through the sweat that gathers in the small of her back, and a breathless chuckle escapes in memory. He had woken her early this morning, very early, but he had needed to get this day off to good start, _a great start_, and together they had well and truly reached that objective.

Step one is complete.

Brushing his lips tenderly against her shoulder, he hears a herd of elephants stomping their way–figuratively–down the stairs and a wicked grin flashes across his features before he schools his face to resemble its more normal appearance.

Alexis and the pest have made their way into the kitchen and it's time for stage two to begin.

Hastily moving around the bedroom, he hops into his discarded boxers, making as much noise as possible in hopes that Kate will join him in getting up– her presence is crucial for the next stage of his strategy to work.

Hearing her grumble, he exits, contains the smirk that wants to break free, and walking half-naked into the living area, he does his best to appear normal. Well as _normal _as he can possibly be.

"Good morning, you two," he speaks in the most overtly sociable tone he can manage considering who he is addressing. "What a lovely day."

Alexis gives an absent-minded wave, before her head whips around comically, her face twisting in horror as she gives him the once over.

"Ahh, Dad, I think you forgot to get dressed," she says, moving at the same time, so she can place herself between him and Pi as if to shield her boyfriend from the sight, and he does his best not to react with glee.

"Huh?" Castle looks down dramatically. "Oh, right. Yeah it's really hot in here."

Pi nods in agreement and for a moment panic strikes through Rick at the idea that the bane of his existence may strip and join him in wearing very little. Thankfully, the nuisance appears to be having so much trouble getting the blender started that he remains fully clothed.

"Yeah, Dad, the AC isn't working, or my lights?"

He really does try not to shake his head at the stupidity that has taken over the loft; over the fact that his smart daughter has been unable to see a link between the two. About the fact that Pi is still pressing buttons on the blender without anything occurring.

Okay. The last one doesn't surprise him, but he expects more from _Alexis_!

Movement from behind saves him from answering, and he pivots to watch Kate approach, smirking happily as she appreciates his shirtless condition. Sweeping her fingernails along the hard muscles of his shoulders, she pauses, nibbles at her lower lip before coming to, and continues her journey into the kitchen.

She heads straight to the coffee machine and he waits for stage two to be complete.

He's grateful that someone has their wits about them and it only takes her a couple of tries at the buttons before she questions, "Is the power out?"

Hallelujah!

Turning as one, the three newfound _buddies _look at him expectantly and he beams happily while answering. "Yes. I've turned the power off!" He allows his words to wash over them before continuing. "Pi has inspired me. Yesterday he informed me of the many ways I am failing as a human being on this glorious planet. So I have decided it's time to do more, _be more!_"

More of an irritation that is!

He watches, as the girls' mouths open and close in shock. Their eyes dart from their beloved coffee machine to him and then back again– the statement slowly sinking in.

That's right; two can play at this game!

Pi, _strangely enough_, doesn't comprehend the sentence at all and continues banging away at the blender, as if pressing the same button over and over again will change the result. Although that is the definition of insanity so…

"Dad? What do you… mean?"

"I mean… that we are now living without harming the environment. I brought a small solar powered fridge that will now do us." He grins empathically at the recent burden. "Just doing our bit, isn't that right, Pi?"

"Wow, Mr. C. That's fantastic!" Pi's enthusiasm has both girls eyeing him as if he'd grown a second head, and Rick internally jumps for joy.

"Although, Mr. C. We might need it back on." The imbecile caresses the machine housing his precious fruit and it takes all Rick has not to roll his eyes as he's asked, "How are we gonna mash the fruit up?"

This could not have gone any better if he had written the story himself.

Strolling into the kitchen he slides open the top drawer and with a flourish that would make even the best actor proud, he brings forth a fork.

"This, Pi, is _great _for mashing. It's how I pureed all of Alexis' baby food." He moves his arm in an up and down motion in demonstration. "See! Easy as pie!"

Castle chuckles at his own joke, but he is alone in the sentiment. Alexis and Kate still appear dismayed over their loss of coffee.

It's time for stage three.

"Don't worry, you two." He scratches a hand across his chest and leans back against the counter while doing his best Homer Simpson impersonation. "If you are that desperate for a drink, we can head down to the closest coffee shop?"

Smiles creep across both their faces, yet Kate steps forward, attempts to be discreet as she prompts, "We need to have a quick shower first." Her finger trails a line down his torso, nose wrinkling adorably as she encounters body fluids from their early morning _activities. _

"Oh. I am waiting for the bladder to fill up." His statement has her jerking back, her face a mixture of confusion and… _disgust_?

"Not that bladder, Kate! It's a bag that you fill with water and you place it outside in the sun, the sun heats it up, and you can have a hot shower. Well lukewarm is probably all I'm going to get today, but on a sunny day it will be beautiful!"

There is nothing but silence and the girls' distress is almost tangible as they stare in horror at him. The simpleton is apparently oblivious to his surroundings, focused instead on his hand inside the blender as he awkwardly attempts to squish the fruit within. Not that missing a shower is going to worry that unkempt fool!

"Anyhow," he says. "Give me a second to throw on some clothes and grab our family cash, and you'll have coffee before you know it!"

With stage three being such a success it's time to bring it home!

_Hello, stage four!_

"Family cash?" Kate catches on quickly to the perfectly placed hint and he is once again thankful she is here for this, otherwise the younger two may have been ignorant to all of his scripted clues.

"Yes. I also spoke to the accountant yesterday. I want to donate more money to the great work that is being done to help the planet. Unfortunately, he has had to freeze the accounts in the meantime. So we are living on a _little _bit of cash for now."

Alexis and Pi squeak as one, "There's no _money_." And he shakes his head slowly indicating _no._

Kate's mood at least stays unaffected, although she does start patting her pockets. "Have you seen my phone? I was supposed to call Gates back."

As they all shrug their shoulders at her question, she stalks toward the bedroom. Quiet mutterings about 'needing to find focus' and 'going crazy without a job' drift from behind as she disappears.

One down, two to go!

"Dad! You aren't serious about the money! How am I supposed to go back to college?" He has to resist the urge to rant at the indignation in his daughter's tone, but he needs to remain on task. Stick to the plan!

"Well that's hardly an issue since you haven't gone back yet. However, that has always been in a separate account. For when, of course, you are back on campus. So, no need to worry that pretty little red head of yours!"

He smiles his million-dollar smile, observes the wheels in her head spin as she eyes Pi, debates her life choices before coming to the only _logical_ conclusion.

"Didn't I mention, Dad? I'm actually due back today… Have some stuff to do... Preparation… You know!" She hesitates for a fraction as she eyes the foreigner, but it passes quickly and she bolts up the stairs without a backward glance.

Two down. One to go!

"So, Pi…" The mashing finally stops as the younger man looks up, realizes that it's just the two of them left in the kitchen and he wildly swivels around in confusion.

"Where did everyone go, Mr. C?"

_Seriously, Pi!_

"Kate is getting ready to visit the Precinct and Alexis is packing. She has to go back to college today." Rick does try to come across sympathetic, but really!

"Oh. Oh I didn't know that."

"Don't worry, Pi, we won't be alone for long. I have friends at the US embassy and they are _personally_ coming over to help you fill in a DS-64 form." Rick puts on his most serious expression. "Nothing to worry about though, it's just a statement in regards to how your passport was lost."

The blood drains from the noncitizen's face.

"That's real good, Mr. C. But the funny thing is I actually found it… yesterday. Have already booked a flight home. Must have slipped my mind."

Castle nods, although his disbelief over the slipperiness of the interloper's mind is overtaken by his feelings of utter relief.

"Well you should probably start packing then too," says Castle. His exhilaration is barely contained as the kitchen _finally_ becomes vacant, and he slumps onto the stool. Resting his head on his arms, he relaxes, breathes deeply, and allows the tension to melt away.

Thankfully, the hell he has been living in is about to vanish as if it was nothing more than a vivid dream.

As if it was nothing more than a_ nightmare!_

* * *

Thank you to everyone that _reviewed,_ the comments were hilarious! And to those that marked this as a favourite or put it on their alerts!

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Many thanks to honeyandvodka and Caskett1 for the read through xoxo

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Your comments are valued


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